I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
