He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize