Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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