so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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