Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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