i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
