you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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