My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
