Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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