I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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