Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
