just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
