Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
