My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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