why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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