She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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