I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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