her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
