woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
