like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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