why didn't you poke me back
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
