ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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