What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
