I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize