I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
