So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
