I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm too high and old for this...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
