apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
