So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
