im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
