Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize