Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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