Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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