Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
