Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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