Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's never too late to be topless.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
