It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
