Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
