so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
