don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
