Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
