Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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