I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
