Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
