this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
