Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
