i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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