you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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