he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
