You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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