he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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