Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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