best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
