Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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