areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
