We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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