Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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