Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
