I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
