oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize