well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
