Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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