ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just invented taco cereal.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
