he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
