I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
