i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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