Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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