you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
