yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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