woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize