Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my poor anus
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
