You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my mouth tastes like poor choices
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
