we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
