i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
